Sometimes I really miss you, but mostly I’m just really grateful for you. I’m sure you know about, in general–and are confident in–the good in my life, but I wanted to write you and let you in on a few details. I wish you’d met my husband, I know you’d love him. I can see you two scurrying off to talk without me (kind of like what happens with Cynthia, who I know you would be very happy married Dad).
For so many reasons, you’ve been on my mind a lot…one main overarching reason is that it’s Mother’s Day this weekend and I’m doing a show called “Listen to Your Mother.” Those of us who got cast (13 out of 100, so that’s flattering), wrote and will perform essays we wrote on motherhood. Of course, I wrote about you. I would like to apologize in advance that I talk about your underwear. (See, you are a really good speaker…I have to go for the cheap laugh.)
We are also moving right along with Petalwink. You would be so excited about our upcoming Song and Dance Showcase!! Probably even more excited than me. It has been challenging to say the least and there are more reasons for that than I care to go into unless you want to come hang out with me on the couch for about eight hours. But it’s also glorious and just plain fun. I remember when we were all at Knots Berry Farm and Ryan wasn’t sure he wanted to go on the roller coaster and so you stepped up and went with him. You didn’t do it because you like roller coasters, but so he’d go. I don’t remember much else except that afterwards, your hair was windswept and you were giddy and open-mouthed smiling. That’s how I feel.
I want you to know that all those times you thought I wasn’t listening, I was. And now of course, I wish I’d listened better. But that’s par for the course in growing up, huh? I also watched you. I watched how you took on every project with roller coaster windswept giddiness (and I mean every project). I watched how you let the whole world into your heart and just loved…everyone and everything. Whether they were lovable was not the issue. In fact, there were more times than not that you loved when any other person would have said it wiser not to…but the result was that you changed someone’s life with Love. I’m learning that love doesn’t go anywhere, but it’s right here as it’s always been; maybe I’m not sleeping against your chest and hearing your voice and the (big) rise and fall of your laughter as we drive home from a long day waterskiing at the lake with friends, but I feel as close to you and comforted as ever. I’m confident that no child is ever without Mother Love because it isn’t found in a person; you taught me that. So thanks.
Happy Mother’s Day; I know that you are embraced in that same Mother Love as me. Do me a favor and tell Cookie and Jo and Aunt Gail and Mary Jane and Grace that they are loved, too? I’m sure you do all the time.
Love, love, love,