How you Spend your Thank You Notes Makes all the Difference

What if you thought of every dollar you spend as a thank you note given to someone; on this note is written in your own hand, “Thanks for your thoughtful product/service. I believe in what you stand for and this is my vote for you to keep doing what you’re doing.” Thinking of my money this way makes it especially difficult for me to spend it on things that belittle girls and women. Every day brings its fresh outrage over how girls are thought of, treated, marketed to. So while the outrage or disgust is perfectly understandable, what more can be done beyond boycotting the evildoers?

Many of us blog, tweet, facebook and talk about it. Some of us start petitions and draft letters in hopes of changing policy. Some organize boycotts of offensive products and/or advertisers. Many strive to raise their boys and girls in a non-sexualized, stereotype-free environment. Some of us wake up every morning and fall asleep every night eager to find ways to make a difference and a few of us have even crafted our entire lives around sharing our vital message. My husband and I are two of those people. We started our business of creating lit brands with a conscience that encourage girls to believe in themselves and the greater good, starting with the Petalwink series for readers aged 3-6 and currently with the series I’m writing for middle graders, Fifties Chix (see my “Strong Girls x Good Books” page and mission statement). The messages in the content we create celebrate girlhood and self-confidence, not stereotypes and self-absorption. They celebrate strength and individuality, not sexiness and cuteness.

Of course, not everyone can dedicate their careers to this work, but many want to make a positive difference. So how about taking it a step even further than the boycotts, petitions and public call-outs (while all those may be necessary): let’s put our “thank you notes” (those precious dollars) where our hearts are and buy from those who have dedicated their lives to crafting and promoting messaging that you’re not ashamed to shout from the rooftops (or say to your little girl’s face while looking in those trusting eyes). It’s easy to list all the things wrong with our world, but how about supporting those who are doing it right? Give those on the front lines of this battle the resources to keep fighting for our girls and boys on your behalf. Keep them in business by giving them the dollars that would keep other less caring businesses churning out their offensive content. Make sure your dollars reflect your values.

If you mean it when you say, “I wish there was more positive content out there for girls and boys,” then enable those who are in a position to do the work for you create that content. Put your “vote” where it will make a difference. Purchase clothing and accessories from Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddies; buy books in the Petalwink series and Fifties Chix: Travel to Tomorrow (and find a list of more girl-empowering reads at A Mighty Girl); subscribe to New Moon Girls magazine;  purchase toys and games that promote fun and curiosity and imagination (see Imagination Soup for ideas) over harmful limits and tiresome cliches.

As the creator of Pigtail Pals posted on her blog after some of her recent work to correct the availability of some heinous t’s on Sears.com, “I might also encourage you to contact the small businesses in your area, or favorite online business, like Pigtail Pals, who operate with integrity and offer respectable apparel for your family. Tell the folks who are doing it right why you appreciate them. We work really hard at what we do, we don’t sell out to make a quick buck, and we put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into building our brands.
[In this case, I’m not doing a change.org petition and you might ask why]… Because what happens is that generates a TON of media buzz for the ill-behaved retailer when news channels cherry pick the story off of my blog, and the story becomes an “Oh how could they!?” morning bit with a psychologist inserted for credibility, instead of a story on the company that is doing it right. I’m just tired of it all. Focus on who’s got it right, and parents would know there are much better, more responsible small businesses out there working really hard to bring great products to their families. When people know better, they can do better.”

Help people do better by sending/sPending your thank you notes where it counts.

Every writing class I teach and many emails I receive feature the question: How do I break through writer’s block?

First, let’s be clear that writer’s block (or any creative block) is really just a fancy name for fear. Strip that puppy down and bet you find scaredy-cattedness at the heart of it. Examples:

1. [block] I don’t have any good ideas. =  [fear] I’m afraid the ideas I have aren’t any good.
2. [block] I don’t have time to write. = [fear] I’m afraid that I’ll put other things off (things that are fun, comfortable, familiar, etc–or even “necessary”) for writing and it won’t be worth it
3. [block] I can’t seem to get started. = [fear] I’m worried that when I actually get my ideas on paper, they will lose their perfection.

Of course I deal with “blocks” (ie, fear; ie, excuses) all the time. One time in particular I had a “block” (fear/excuse) that resulted in the best possible scenario: a book!

Way back when, even before the first Petalwink book had been published, I had a meeting in Beverly Hills with a big time licensing agency. I was on cloud nine going in and had been knocked hard to the ground when I came out. They liked Petalwink enough, but they offered all kinds of advice . . . all of which my husband/business partner and I had already tried. I walked out of the tall golden building into the bright golden sunshine, my feet aching in the ridiculous heels I felt it necessary to cram into. I felt totally defeated and frustrated. I felt like a loser, like no matter what I tried or how hard I worked, I couldn’t get ahead (or “win” — and as a reminder, this was pre-Charlie Sheen). This latest meeting was just one more in a line of meetings when I’d put all my eggs in one basket . . . and then realized there was no basket. I remember the moment when I walked across the ridiculously huge plaza (probably just felt like it was the size of Tiananmen Square . . . ) and I asked myself a simple question: “What would Petalwink do if she kept coming in second and felt like a loser?”

The answer to that question was written on the plane ride home and it is called Petalwink Comes in Second.

So the next time you have a block (excuse/fear), work through it by writing down how your character would deal with it. Not only will it get you writing, at the very least, you’ll learn something about your character and at the most, you’ll have a story to publish.

Don’t take my word for it . . . get writing!

Holy moly, do I have a post for YOU! It’s from my friend, Kate, on how to be truly debt-free. You can read her whole blog post here. Or you can check out a visual summary I made of her post (with her permission) here:

I don’t know which part of this quote I love most, but today, the part about “what is not ripening in us” really resonates. Being obsessed with that which is not is counterproductive. Wow. So easy to let that go in light of this quote. Happy resigning!

It’s hard to believe it’s been 100 years since the sinking of the Titanic. Not that it happened in my lifetime, but still. Momentous events–when things so huge that they seem impossible to move, move (or fail, sink, are destroyed, etc)–never feel far away, even if they happened around the world or in another lifetime (that’s because time and space are so warp-y, unreliable and arbitrary and our thoughts and compassion are much more substantial and immediate).

I loved this article in the NY Times about a Times writer’s grandfather, Lawrence Beesley, who survived the sinking of the Titanic: As Hundreds of Men Perished, One Ignored a Rumor to Survive Of the many remarkable details that stands out to me is the stillness this gentleman had in the face of such terror; that despite the crowd that moved to the other side of the ship for a promise of rescue, he stayed put with just a couple of others. It reminds me of how often our greatest need is to be still and listen to the voice within instead of being carried by the ofttimes-unthinking wave of the masses.

This gentleman’s quiet listening was a life-saving approach and it makes me realize that the figurative sinking Titanics that we endure every day require the same resistance to group think. When the media demands that you must be frightened and outraged, be still and listen to your intuition instead that says, “I’m going to find out the truth for myself before I panic and judge.” When society insists that you must look a certain way to be loved, be still and listen to that voice within that says, “Does changing my skin color/weight/hair length, etc make me a more loving person?”

What “rumor [will you] ignore to survive” and thrive today?

I’m flabbergasted we need to continue to have this conversation, but we do (also: I wanted an excuse to use the word flabbergasted. It’s fun). Pretty’s got nothing to do with it (get the T-shirt that says so here, at Pigtail Pals). Let me put this in the simplest possible terms: People don’t deserve love because of how they look. If this were the case, people would be less deserving due to the color of their skin (over which, apart from spray tanning or bleaching, they generally have no control), their hair, how their facial features are arranged, what size they are. The more you think about it, really think about it, it’s downright ridiculous.

When the highest attainment girls can hope for is to be pretty, we all suffer for it. We need to love children, love each other, love our neighbor for reasons other than how they look. And we need to find out how to do it (and then DO IT) fast.

I’ve learned that “to love” means to identify with one’s source. To love your neighbor isn’t an emotionally conditional or circumstantial thing then, it is identifying your neighbor with their Source; in other words, to identify your neighbor as a child of God. God is Spirit, so we are identifying spiritual qualities in our neighbor. Then it’s easy to love. Instead of “pretty” or “not pretty” (or: worthy or not worthy), we see beautiful [1...having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind 2. excellent of its kind 3. wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying]. We see what God sees and what He/She sees is “very good.”

Sea of Galilee photo courtesy of Phebe Telschow

Think how this kind of love not only “equalizes the sexes,” but does away with violence (see this excellent editorial and article on the paradox of American gun culture), eliminates discord in political discourse, empowers us to be generous, opens up opportunities to bless and be blessed and brings us peace.

Can pretty do all that?

The Hunger Games is everywhere, so why not here? I’m not gonna lie…I’m so excited for this movie, I can barely stand it. I loved, loved, loved the books because if you don’t know this about me by now, I love character-driven stories with a message. And the characters come alive in Suzanne Collins’ books (you know, right before she kills them off) and there are a slew of instructive messages in this trilogy. The premise, if you don’t know by now, is that in a dystopian (think “dis-utopian”) post-apocalyptic future, the country of Panem is divided up into 13 districts and ruled by the totalitarian, uber-materialistic and amoral District 1 called The Capitol. Each year, in part to keep the districts in check, The Capitol chooses (by lottery…don’t get me started on the lottery) 1 boy and 1 girl between the ages of 12-18 to come to an arena in the Capitol and fight to the death on live TV. Collins got her idea watching reality TV one night, if you’re wondering where such a dark premise came from.

Toddlers & Tiaras; just a hop, skip & a jump to Panem from here.

The characters, like the setting, hold up mirrors for us, too. Which of the characters do we identify with? Katniss Everdeen (seriously. Is that the coolest name ever?), who sacrifices herself for her little sister (more on Katniss below); Katniss’ mom who is just too overwhelmed by life and gives up, just going through the motions; Peeta, who I think is “in the world, but not of it;” or Effie Trinket, who is completely, gleefully ignorant in her indulgence of being a spoiled citizen of The Capitol. And those are just to name a few! (There are also Cinna, Prim, Gale, and oh my gosh: Haymitch. And Caeser Flickerman to be played by Stanley Tucci in the movie! Holy cow!! Brilliant!)

I think an awful lot of the YA stuff out there is a great read…for adults. The Hunger Games’ appropriateness totally depends on the reader (or now, movie-goer). [Again, check this Imagination Soup post.] From what I can understand, Collins I think would be disappointed if the audience came away with a fascination with the violence. If the audience came away horrified at the premise, she’d be closer to happy. But my question has always been, how dark do you have to go to show that something should be avoided? And there’s the danger of leaving your reader shaken in a corner because the “darkness” left a bigger impression on her than the resolution. Every writer or artist who has an ultimately positive message walks this razor-thin line. Critics rush to the Bible for the ultimate comparison (for pretty much everything, come to think of it). Yep, them are some dark themes there, but for the purpose of showing us that no matter how dark or depraved, divine Love is infinitely more powerful and redeeming. On a smaller scale…for me in my writing, it comes down to motive. I know when I’m being self-indulgent or titillating with my writing, getting a thrill out of being merely sensational. Plus, my readers would see right through that garbage.

Now for the Katniss Everdeen convo. She ain’t no vampire lover, that’s for sure. She’s not boy-crazy, materialistic, shallow, vain, or a spoiled brat. But there is an argument that she is still self-absorbed, some even say an anti-hero (see this thought-provoking blog post from She Laughs at the Days and notice also the comment by “Gabrielle”). That was a news flash to me, but I don’t entirely disagree. However, I find myself excusing Katniss’ shortcomings (because, quick review: self-absorbed=shortcoming) because she is a product of her environment. I also excuse her shortcomings because the major precipitating incident of the whole series is that she steps in her sister’s place to participate in the Hunger Games (and certainly no one asked her to, not even her sister). She wouldn’t be in the predicament she’s in if she hadn’t sacrificed herself. Her mother did no such thing for her girls, even on a much smaller scale. (Of course, Katniss also wouldn’t be in her predicament if The Capitol wasn’t so depraved).

As an author, I found The Hunger Games book series instructive in how to create a believable, consistent world; how to create characters who define each other (that takes some serious finesse to pull off); how to keep the action (in an already interesting plot) going; and how to get a message across to your reader through creative narrative. I’ve also found it helpful to see the reaction of readers: the controversy that comes with dark themes and the “hunger” for strong female protagonists (of which, we can all agree, there are too few).

I don’t believe in “odds” or luck, but still Effie Trinket’s words seem a fitting wish for this coming weekend: “May the odds be ever in your favor” as you choose books, movies, and activities that have productive content.

Tuesday night I finished teaching another writing and publishing class. It was a blast! What a responsive group. The class had a very satisfying ending with many students accomplishing whatever goals they had set for themselves in 6 short weeks.

Now…I get to put into practice the stuff I told them about the creative process; I’m a chapter away from finishing a book, but first, some really major things need to come together.I’m feeling overwhelmed. I ask myself, What would I tell my students? Wellllll…We talked about the creative process and how it applies not only to the entirety of a project (a book, a painting, a song, etc.), but it applies to each step of the project. SO, I would say, the first step of the creative process is 1. preparation. This is where the problem (or “unanswered question”) is identified. Brain-storming (a word I despise, but it describes a useful exercise) takes place here because you’re just being totally open at the beginning of the creative process and not ruling anything out. Then comes 2. Incubation. This is where you let go of the “problem” or the particular aspect of your project. You don’t look at it, don’t think about it, don’t mess with it. You fill your thought and days with enriching things: art, music, strolls through the park. You make a point of noticing all the rich details of life all around you. You are especially observant. Incubation ends with one of two things: you’ve given yourself a deadline (2 or 3 days) and it’s time to pull out your project or you have an a-ha moment, which is called 3. Illumination. Illumination, of course, means to throw light on; so this means the “answer” to your “unanswered question” emerges into light. This, for most of us, is the funnest part. Who doesn’t love the a-ha moment?? But then it’s time to put your money where your mouth is in: 4. Verification. Where the rubber meets the road, the tough get going, the proof is in the pudding and you’re crossing that bridge because you’ve come to it (Verification has nothing to do cliches, I’m just having fun). Verification is where you make known your ideas (whether through writing, publishing, painting, displaying, playing or performing).

Well, guess what? It’s Friday night. So I’m going to go incubate–fill my evening with fun and enriching things–and wait for my a-ha moment. You’ll be the first to know when it happens (because of, you know, verification)!

Happy weekend to you, wherever you are in your creative process!

I see them everywhere: hearts! At first it was a joke…I saw a few heart shaped rocks, leaves or twigs on the pavement and told my friends I was going to do a big art show with the theme of an 80′s sounding rock ballad: “Hearts on the Pavement.” But then it became less funny and more delightful…I was spotting hearts e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. One of my favorite movies is Love Actually, which starts with this voice over from Hugh Grant: “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”

I agree that love is all around. Here’s proof:

Of course, I’ll keep posting my finds. But almost daily I’m posting to Instagram, so follow me there at anglarsen